My Awkwardness

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh awkwardness, nervousness and the what ifs.

I’ve always been the shy, reserved type. Wondering what might go wrong if I do a certain something.

Talking to a girl? ohnonononononononononnono.

She”ll think I’m weird.

She probably caught me glancing at her and thinks I’m a creep!

she might not even like my voice.

Silly Lewis, the one who worries all the time and is basically afraid of people. So silly and daft that guy.

So, what prompted this post? Why do I want to talk about awkwardness?

Because I deal with it TONS. I am so terrible at introducing myself to people, and I want to explore that. I dealt with it today, as I do everyday; but today was Church day. The day I go to Church (omg unbelievable) and talk with lots of other Christians and strangers.

I love going to Church but it’s very very very challenging for me. I’ve had a lot of time to get used to speaking to strangers ie. high school, primary school. Yet for the life of me I still don’t “get it” and I feel angry at myself.

Angry for not being good enough, angry for being reserved and shy. Angry, that I mostly talk to people who come to me. I know, I know, I torture myself pretty much everyday with these kinds of thoughts, and yes I hate it. Why don’t I do something about it though? I can’t, at least not immediately (that also makes me angry at myself).

But someday, some week, some year, some decade: I will run right past the issues I’m having right now.

Thanks for reading, this has been a post about my awkwardness.

#mentalhealth #socialphobia #frustration